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Pearls of Wisdom...
...and other funny stuff!


The best advice I ever came across on the subject of
concentration is: Wherever you are, be there.

When you work, work. When you play, play. Don't mix the two.

Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with
the gift of attention.

On the way to work, concentrate on the way - not the work.

Pay attention. Don't just stagger through the day.

Thank you, Nancy !

"Bistromathics is simply a revolutionary new way of
understanding the behavior of numbers. Just as Einstein
observed that space was not an absolute, but depended on the
observer's movement in space, and that time was not an
absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time,
so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute, but
depend on the observer's movement in restaurants."
Douglas Adams

"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath
and she'd come in and sink my boat." - Woody Allen

"I care about our young people, and I wish them great success,
because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day,
when my generation retires, they will have to pay us
trillions of dollars in social security."
Dave Barry

Some Facts

The world's oldest Holiday Inn is located in Clarksdale, Mississippi, USA

The 3 writers for the TV show Dallas were from Brooklyn NY and had
never been to Texas when they started to write the scripts.

The first use of a sitcom laugh track was introduced in 1950
on the Hank McCune Show.

In 1980, the State of Wyoming, USA passed a law making it illegal to
photograph rabbits between January and April without written permission.

If an Octopus is hungry enough, it will eat its own arms.

King Henry VIII was the first king to be addressed "Your Majesty".

During the U.S. Civil War, the state of North Carolina allowed
conscientious objectors to work in salt mines in lieu of fighting.

In 1933, State College High School in Pennsylvania was the first
in the nation to teach driver education classes.

In ancient Greece, a woman's age was calculated from her wedding day.

The "Grand Turk" is the name of the ship portrayed on the
'Old Spice Cologne ' label.

The term "Mafia" is actually an acronym for
'morte alla francia italia anela'.

The longest reported interval between the birth of twins is 92 days.

The "average" American will eat at McDonald's 1,811 times within a lifetime.

According to NASA, relative to the speed of a fired bullet,
the shuttle travels around the earth ten times faster.

In 1928 Morris Frank had the first guide dog for the blind.
It was a German Shepherd named Buddy.

In 1999, to eliminate a source of noise pollution,
the city of Dallas, TX USA passed a city ordinance
prohibiting roosters within the city limits.

A man from Madrid set a world's record for cracking 30 walnuts
in 57 seconds. The unusual thing about it -
he did it with his buttocks.

In 1796 Amelia Simmons' "American Cookery" was the first cookbook
published in America.

S.B. "Sam" Vick of Oakland,MI. played for the New York Yankees and
the Boston Red Sox. He was the only man ever to pinch hit
for baseball great Babe Ruth.

One of the longest surnames ever recorded is that of Major
Tollemache-Tollemache de Orellana-Plantagenet-Tollemache-Tollemache (1858-1917), a British soldier.

If all my friends jumped off a bridge,
I would not jump after them.
I would be at the bottom to catch them.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quattro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the heck out of the dog.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes damn, whack.

How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorcee the same?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

The moment you commit and quit holding back,
all sorts of unforeseen incidents, meetings and
material assistance will rise up to help you.
The simple act of commitment is a powerful magnet for help.
Napoleon Hill

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges,
but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a
rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears that this is true.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them
that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing
at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing
at the tempting moment.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

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